Just Do It - How to strengthen the Child-Parent Connection - Part 2
It’s not just that you say ‘hi’ and ‘goodbye’, it’s how you say it that makes all the difference.
Transition is part of life for all of us: it’s the small blips we experience everyday, in so many ways. The blip or transition from sleeping to waking, the transition from being alone (in our world of sleep and dreams) to having another person(s) impacting on our mental real-estate, the blip to getting to work, then the transition home from work…
How we handle these blips in many ways determines the quality of our interactions in each of these spaces and those interactions will impact on how we perceive the quality of our life and interpret what is happening within and around us.
A simple practice to get into with your kids is to take control of the hello’s and goodbyes of the day.
The first one will be when you first see each other in the morning. In my culture we seem to always say ‘Morning, how did you sleep?’ Ask a question that makes sense for you, it’s good to ask something to get an idea of how your little person is feeling that day. And as with all transitions involving your kids - give them a SEC: Smile, Eye contact and Cuddle.
No matter what your kids have been doing, or how they have been behaving, a great habit to get into is to get their attention, smile (with affection and love) as you look them in the eyes, say ‘bye, have a great day’ or ‘see ya later kiddo, take some risks, make some friends, learn something new and tell me all about when I see you after school’, then give them a cuddle (a 20 second cuddle if you want to boost connection even more) and send them on their way.
The next time you see your kids, greet them by getting their attention, giving them a SEC and saying ‘hi, how was your day’ as you give them a hug (a 20 second cuddle if you want to reduce any stress and anxiety from their day and boost connection even more) and be prepared to give them some time to tell you about their day with your full attention. Even 5 minutes can make the world of difference to how they transition into their time at home.
As the parent, you get to set the emotional tone for your interactions with your kids.
For other transitions, such as dropping them off or picking them up from activities, the same principle of SEC applies but depending on the context you may want to give a gentle arm or hand squeeze goodbye or hello or a side hug as you walk to the car. There is no hard and fast rule for how you do this but the more your aim for incorporating SEC into your transitions, the more you will be reducing stress and anxiety in your kids, even as you increase connection, love and enjoyment.
If you’ve been worried about your kids or they seem distant or you’ve been wondering how to boost your connection, then you might want to just give this a go and notice the difference it makes.
Sometimes it is the simplest things in life that are the most profound
I would love to hear from you and how you go with this so feel free to send me a message and tell me all about it.
