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From being cut in front of when you’re driving to people making annoying noises when they are eating….from your kids not moving quickly enough when you ask them to do something… the internet not loading fast enough… there is no limit to the amount of things that can make a person angry.

 

“Anger controls, anger punishes, and anger retaliates…One of the most dangerous features of anger is that anger calls forth anger, and the cycle can rapidly escalate.”  ~Paul Ekman~

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Some of the common triggers for anger are: 

• Frustration

• Another persons anger

• The threat of harm

• Rejection

• Humiliation

• Disappointed in how a person has acted

• Someone who advocates what we consider wrong

• Someone who does things we consider wrong

• Being trapped

• Feeling powerless either over life circumstances or over other people who you feel need to act in certain ways

 

Anger is a powerful emotion and can give a temporary feeling of control or of being able to control others. The cost of that control in your own body and your relationships can outweigh the momentary benefits and lead to intense regret. If you’re reading this, perhaps you are deciding how you can change this pattern of reacting, get professional help and get true control of yourself and your life. 

 

Degrees and types of anger

Anger ranges from slight annoyance to rage.There are differences in the strength of angry feelings as well as in the kind of anger felt.

 

• Indignation is self-righteous anger

• Sulking is passive anger

• Exasperation is anger as a result of having your patience tried excessively

• Revenge is a type of angry action usually committed after a period of reflection about the offence, sometimes of greater intensity than the act that provoked it.

• Brief resentment is a form of anger 

• Explosive anger which can have a sudden onset and surprise even the one who is angry

• Holding a grudge, a long-standing resentment, is a little different to anger. In this case you aren’t always angry but when you see the person or think about them the anger re-emerges.Resentment is connected to a specific grievance or set of grievances.

• Hatred is an enduring, intense dislike. We are not angry continually toward the hated person, but encountering that person or hearing about them may easily awaken angry feelings. We are also likely to feel disgust and contempt toward the hated person. Hatred is long standing and focused on a specific person.

 

The Third Pillar in Anger Management

When an event happens that is perceived as threatening and there is a certain neurochemical landscape in our brain combined with a sense of inescapability, the resulting encoding of that event can mean that anger (or other emotions such as fear/anxiety) is triggered. The experience of this anger will be that you were unaware of making a conscious choice to become angry - “it just happened”.

 

Whilst traditional anger management (talk therapies such as CBT or psychology and medications) can help with understanding what is going on in your current situation and you can learn some really valuable communication tools and down-regulating exercises, if the anger you feel is a result of the above encoding, you may feel that it is something that is always at threat of coming out unbidden and beyond your control.

 

This is in part due to the function of your flight or flight system which takes over control when a threat is perceived. The thinking part of your brain has decreased functionality at this time which is why many people feel that they didn’t have a choice - they became instantly angry and acted before thinking.

 

Some indications that anger is physically encoded in your brain and that professional help would be useful are: 

 

• You feel constantly frustrated and angry no matter what you try. 

• Your temper causes problems at work or in your relationships.

• You avoid new events and people because you feel like you can’t control your temper.

• You have gotten in trouble with the law due to your anger.

• Your anger has ever led you to physical violence.

 

 

Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that…is not easy. 

~Aristotle~

 

A Combined Approach

One to one coaching with Havening Techniques® gives you the best of talk therapy and psychosensory therapy. In this setting you can: 

 

• Explore the reasons behind your anger.

• Identify triggers for your anger. 

• Learn and practice new skills for expressing your anger.

• Learn how to deal with interference, insults and a variety of other offences and increase your ability to easily move from family life, to work, to social circles.

• Resolve past events through de-linking the encoded pathways in your brain,  leading to less triggers.

• Understand the message of your anger and know what to do about it

• Feel more calm and relaxed in general

• Experience an increase in awareness of the early signs of anger and know what to do about it

• Feel more in control of your emotions and reactions

 

For more information or to book a consultation for Anger Management for yourself or someone else then please do get in touch using this form.

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References:

Ruden, R (2011) When the Past Is Always Present. London: Routledge

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Ekman, P (2003) Emotions Revealed. London: Weidenfeld & Nicolson

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