Why you aren't who you think you are Part 4 - The Journey Home
"Some search...some settle...some hide...yet in the depths of our soul we all yearn for home"
Michael’s journey ‘home’ started where many people do…with the most obvious and visible ‘problems’. His dislike of his work, the migraines and his weight. Over the next few years Michael tried everything he could find.
Each time he faced a fear and overcame it, he built new neural pathways. He realised that he had felt powerless to change his parents but gradually he came to see that he had the power to change himself and move his life in the direction he wanted it to go. Occasionally he even felt proud of himself.
Though the general trend of Michael’s life was positive, there were a few areas that he couldn’t seem to get traction with. No matter what he did, summer was still a major energy drain and a struggle, the migraines were relentless and his weight seemed to go up and down at will.
Michaels friends, some old and some new, were with him in his struggles, celebrated his victories and were there to pull him out of his occasional descents into poor-me...nothing works... moments. One day, his friend Sam shared a video to his timeline about a guy who had overcome a phobia through ‘Havening’. “Weird” thought Michael. He had tried weirder things…his curiosity was piqued even though he didn’t think he had a phobia of anything… can you be allergic to summer? he chuckled ruefully as he began to explore what the internet had to offer. It wasn’t long before he decided to give Havening a go.
When Michael met Kingsley, the Havening practitioner, he immediately felt at ease. After a bit of small talk Kingsley asked him why he had come. The questions Kingsley asked seemed strange to Michael, like he was searching for something…
“When did the migraines start?” asked Kingsley
"I don’t know, sometime about 20 years ago.” replied Michael
“When are they particularly bad or frequent?”
“Summer” said Michael.
“Do you remember a summer when you didn’t have migraines?”
Michael thought of Mr MacIntosh’s dog.
“yeah, the summer before I was attacked by a dog".
Kingsley explained about how events can be encoded as trauma and suggested they start with Michael’s memory of the dog bite.
“Ok” said Michael. Still somewhat skeptical about what a dog bite could have to do with migraines.
After Kingsley had led Michael through Havening for his memory of the dog bite, he found when he went to think of it, that the sensations and images of the memory seemed much further away and he couldn’t really make it out or feel much about it. Strange. Good, but strange.
Kingsley said that often when an event is encoded as a trauma we can form ideas about ourself and others that help us have a feeling of certainty as we interact with the world. When a memory is no longer as 'charged' with emotion, we can let go of some of those ideas and embrace the ones that will help us most in our next season of life.
Then he asked Michael “If you could have anything from life, what would you want?” Michael answered as Kingsley facilitated Havening Touch™ then he began to explore the the areas that Michael expressed hope for by using the information and turning them into questions of possibility:
What if you could feel that warmth in your heart again that you experienced when your Dad caught your eye when you were laughing?
What if you could accept yourself as you are now?
What if you could live free from pain?
What if you could be kind to yourself when you make a mistake?
What if you could provide a sense of belonging, acceptance, love and safety for yourself?
What if cultivating this treasure within is one of the things, once developed, that cannot be taken - no matter the external circumstances?
What if your body helped you get what you want in life?
What would it be like to enjoy summer again?
What if you enjoyed being you?
What if being around people could be fun and even energising?
What if you felt completely at home with yourself?
What if spontaneous laughter became a daily reality?
What if you could love your life?
What if you could experience a sense of ‘home’ as your inner reality?
Michael smiled and nodded agreement as the questions were asked. Some of the questions seemed to find an especially strong resonance with him…almost as if he could feel something shifting inside.
After the session Michael felt calm and relaxed. He slept great that night. Over the next few weeks Michael would have another few Havening sessions for other areas of his life he was interested in getting help with and he would also learn how to self-Haven. Self-Havening would become his new daily habit as he began to really enjoy how it felt to be able to shift his emotional states and help himself feel calm, refreshed and energised.
As the weeks rolled into months, Michael found that many of the things he had learned previously became easier to implement. Summer didn’t seem to bother him anymore and he rarely had a migraine. He began to train more and to enjoy healthy foods and felt more in control of his emotions. He enjoyed work and being around people.
Michael began to laugh again.
People felt drawn to him and free to be themselves around him. He had this
non-judgemental way about him.
One day Michael woke up and realised that he liked his life, no, more than that:
He liked himself…and it felt really, really good.
Michael had come home.
